I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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