Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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