Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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