I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He felt like a one man threesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
