Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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