she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
