and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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