I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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