Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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