3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
