Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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