Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
