I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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