I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
