If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
