Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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