I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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