Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
