I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
