I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
