I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
