he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
