There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
