so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
