take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
