i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
