We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Couch. On fire.
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