I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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