I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
