Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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