I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
