maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
