dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
