Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
