hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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