that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
