Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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