Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
