dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
