when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my shit smells like andre
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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