new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
