we're blogging at a bar
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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