just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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