I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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