she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
