Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
