Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
