I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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