Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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