1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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