Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
