I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Say something about gay babies.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
