TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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