I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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