I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
