At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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