real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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