Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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