I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im holly from the hills drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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