After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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