i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
