glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
