I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You ruined the universe
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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