I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
