I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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